I hope you have enjoyed our collection of funny computer quotes, Linux quotes, and all those quotes that we have shared with you so far. For today, I've decided to gather a good number of my all-time favorite programming-related quotes.
Most of the programming quotes I've collected are made by some of the famous names in the industry, while others came from not-so-famous people. Nevertheless, they are all witty so I hope you will find them fascinating and enlightening.
Without further delay, here are my top 50 programming quotes of all time:
50. "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
- Rick Cook
49. "Lisp isn't a language, it's a building material."
- Alan Kay.
48. "Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen."
- Edward V Berard
47. "They don't make bugs like Bunny anymore."
- Olav Mjelde.
46. "A programming language is low level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant."
- Alan J. Perlis.
45. "A C program is like a fast dance on a newly waxed dance floor by people carrying razors."
- Waldi Ravens.
44. "I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone."
- Bjarne Stroustrup
43. “Computer science education cannot make anybody an expert programmer any more than studying brushes and pigment can make somebody an expert painter.”
- Eric S. Raymond
42. “Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.”
- Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering
41. “I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing.”
- Oktal
40. “Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like.”
- pixadel
39. “Considering the current sad state of our computer programs, software development is clearly still a black art, and cannot yet be called an engineering discipline.”
- Bill Clinton
38. "The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense."
- E.W. Dijkstra
37. "In the one and only true way. The object-oriented version of 'Spaghetti code' is, of course, 'Lasagna code'. (Too many layers)."
- Roberto Waltman.
36. "FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed — it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer."
- Alan J. Perlis.
35. “For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless. And then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.”
- Bill Bryson
34. "In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt."
- Blair P. Houghton.
33. "When someone says: 'I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done', give him a lollipop."
- Alan J. Perlis
32. "The evolution of languages: FORTRAN is a non-typed language. C is a weakly typed language. Ada is a strongly typed language. C++ is a strongly hyped language."
- Ron Sercely
31. "Good design adds value faster than it adds cost."
- Thomas C. Gale
30. "Python's a drop-in replacement for BASIC in the sense that Optimus Prime is a drop-in replacement for a truck."
- Cory Dodt
29. "Talk is cheap. Show me the code."
- Linus Torvalds
28. "Perfection [in design] is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
27. "C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success."
- Dennis M. Ritchie.
26. "In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they’re not."
- Yoggi Berra
25. “You can’t have great software without a great team, and most software teams behave like dysfunctional families.”
- Jim McCarthy
24. "PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals."
- Jon Ribbens
23. "Programming is like kicking yourself in the face, sooner or later your nose will bleed."
- Kyle Woodbury
22. "Perl – The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption."
- Keith Bostic
21. "It is easier to port a shell than a shell script."
- Larry Wall
20. "I invented the term 'Object-Oriented', and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind."
- Alan Kay
19. "Learning to program has no more to do with designing interactive software than learning to touch type has to do with writing poetry"
- Ted Nelson
18. “The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability.”
- Randall E. Stross
17. “If McDonalds were run like a software company, one out of every hundred Big Macs would give you food poisoning, and the response would be, ‘We’re sorry, here’s a coupon for two more.’ “
- Mark Minasi
16. "Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it."
- Donald E. Knuth.
15. "Computer system analysis is like child-rearing; you can do grievous damage, but you cannot ensure success."
- Tom DeMarco
14. "I don't care if it works on your machine! We are not shipping your machine!"
- Vidiu Platon.
13. "Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday's code."
- Christopher Thompson
12. "Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight."
- Bill Gates
11. "Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it."
- Brian W. Kernighan.
10. "People think that computer science is the art of geniuses but the actual reality is the opposite, just many people doing things that build on each other, like a wall of mini stones."
- Donald Knuth
9. “First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack.”
- George Carrette
8. “Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.”
- Larry Wall
7. “Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.”
- Alan Kay
6. “The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.”
- Seymour Cray
5. “To iterate is human, to recurse divine.”
- L. Peter Deutsch
4. "On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
- Charles Babbage
3. "Most good programmers do programming not because they expect to get paid or get adulation by the public, but because it is fun to program."
- Linus Torvalds
2. "Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."
- Martin Golding
1. “There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.”
- C.A.R. Hoare
If you have other interesting programming quotes to add, you may share them with us via comment.

-- Werner Trobin
-- Maurice Wilkes, designer of EDSAC, on programming, 1949")
--(From the Unix "fortune" program.)
--Unknown
"Code is Life, Bugs is Sins..."
David Jameson
« In his talk on building JavaScript libraries, Dmitry [Baranovskiy, creator of the Raphaël JavaScript library for vectorial graphics ] compared JavaScript’s global scope to a public toilet. “You can’t avoid going in there,” he said. “But try to limit your contact with surfaces when you do.” »
Donald Knuth
or
The code is 100% complete, but it has not been tested.
Ted Dziuba
-- Don't remember
XML is like violence - if it doesn’t solve your problems, you are not using enough of it.
"Brooks's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later." --Fred Brooks)
"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think 'I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.'" --Jamie Zawinski
-- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
JSON inventor, Douglas Crockford, on "reinventing" XML
what to do next.
- Charles Simonyi
"...THAT won't happen too often."
Kenneth Thompson
Code tends to change until it is no longer easy to change.
All code becomes bad code.
--Unknown
D: It's all right. That's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause.
...
F: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Claus.
(From the Info-Zip source code)
Rule #2 of C program optimization: DON'T DO IT!!!
-cant remember
Then, only a year later, after making dozens of pragmatic alterations to suit the people who use it, not only has your Venus-de-Milo lost both arms, she also has a giraffe's head sticking out of her chest and a cherubic penis that squirts colored water into a plastic bucket. The romance has become so painful that each day you struggle with an overwhelming urge to smash the fucking thing to pieces with a hammer."
- Nick Foster ("Life as a programmer")
-- Fred Brooks, Jr.
Features are assets; Code is a liability.
-- Paul Jensen
If you want to win in a software business, just take on the hardest problem you can find, use the most powerful language you can get, and wait for your competitors' pointy-haired bosses to revert to the mean.
-- Paul Graham
You may find it at http://www.lifl.fr/~beaufils/pub/fortunes
"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." – Brian W. Kernighan
All programs have at least 1 bug.
Therefore, all programs can be reduced to a single instruction which does not work.
"To err is human, but to really foul things up, you need a computer."
"It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter."
And my personal favorite:
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in. We're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
It goes like this: If carpenters built houses the way programmers build programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. -- Jerry Weinberg (whose influence on many of us can never be overstated).
"there's no place like 127.0.0.1"
Me. Pierre M.
See http://www.waysys.com/ws_content_al_isd.html
-Ken Thompson
Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad.
-Rob Pike
Microsoft's biggest and most dangerous contribution to the software industry may be the degree to which it has lowered user expectations.
-Esther Schindler
Sometimes things that shouldn't work, do. That's worringer." - Notch
- Linus Torvalds (joke about developing Kernel)
-- Unknown
Alan Cox
-- Will Goddin
-- Robert Sewell
"Any code older than a month was written by an idiot"
"Working code is not bugfree code"
-Bill Harlan (from A Tirade Against the Cult of Performance)
Dijkstra
--Simon Cozens, from the book "Learning Perl"
Two things are infinite: the universe and the stupidity of mankind. However, I am not so sure yet with the universe. -- Albert Einstein
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
tequila. -Mitch Ratliffe, Technology Review.
tequila. -Mitch Ratliffe, Technology Review.
-- Unknown
"We always include a few bugs so we can QA our QA people." -- Quoting a cow orker, not sure if it was original?
"Computers do what you TELL them to do, not what you WANT them to do." --Unknown
copy the above article, paste it to quotes.txt
sed -e "s/^$/%/g" -e "s/^[0-9]*\.\ //g" < quotes.txt > /usr/share/games/fortunes/programmers
and then add fortune to your .profile or something.
-- Ernst Jan Plugge
"If we wanted you to understand it, we wouldn't call it 'code'."
Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach. -- Brooks
1. You can never train a programmer, you may discover one.
2. The human mind is not designed to do programming. It takes a good mind plus a brave heart to do programming well. You need to be smart enough to do it, but you need to be dumb enough to get it done.
"comment"
// end comment
not P@
- Bertrand Meyer
And this I heard from a guy in my company his first day after being explained the system:
New guy: - And where are the unitary tests?
Veteran: - We don't do mistakes here
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
-my Dad
-Unknown
God did great things in 6 days, and he's still debugging...
Petar Kulic, Croatia, Split
- myself -
-my prof
(in my defence... as bad as the code was, it worked)
"Go ahead and use it. We've got it working now!"
"The end of BASIC is just around the corner" (1984)
"The end of BASIC is just around the corner" (1998)
"The end of BASIC is just around the corner" (2003)
"The end of BASIC is just around the corner" (2007)
- Jason Gorman, http://twitter.com/#!/jasongorman/status/24765422787
-Andrew Tannenbaum
December 19, 2010 5:42 AM
“Saying Java is good because it works on all operating systems is like saying anal sex is good because it works on all genders.”"
You're right, thats not why it's good.
Good, fast or cheap; pick any two.
-Philippe Laurens
Hardware, n.:
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
The program isn't debugged until the last user is dead.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Think of it this way: threads are like salt, not like pasta. You like salt, I like salt, we all like salt. But we eat more pasta.
- Larry McVoy
-- Unix 6th Edition Kernel Source Code Comment
"Constraints are not limitations; they are insight." (Sanderson, Pro ASP.NET MVC 2 Framework, p. 52)
The context: "By failing to constrain a domain model along the same lines that a particular business in a particular industry operates, you are rejecting any real insight into its workings, and will struggle in the future to implement features that will seem to you like awkward special cases in your elegant metaworld."
I can't even begin to recount how many awkward special cases there are in my elegant metaworlds.
corr: Defaults aren't.
It's a computer - Nothing takes only five minutes!
- me.
Comment in code from purchased company - in fact the ONLY comment in the code:
"I have no idea why this works".
Paai
"Wow. How did that ever work?"
1) Each and every problem can be solved with an extra level of indirection (unknown)
2) A well designed class is a class which is easy to be used correctly and hard to be misused (Scott Meyers)
* "First you listen to the users; then you ignore them."
"Simplicity has real value on its own that makes the system more usable. It's the difference between reading a 100-page manual and reading a 500-page manual. It is more than five times the size."
"Now that we have all this useful information, it would be nice to do something with it. (Actually, it can be emotionally fulfilling just to get the information. This is usually only true, however, if you have the social life of a kumquat.)"
-Ken Arnold
"Not true! Linux is a neat system of crutches and supports!" (Anonymous; translated from Russian)
By definition, software alone can't break. It may however fail to meet expectations or requirements. There aren't any software failures ... only requirements failures.
- Richard O'Keefe
"The most frequently heard words in a computer lab are, "**** it! *I* know what I mean!" - Ken Kerwin.
"Stand back and ask yourself, 'Why?'" - Jerry Hodson
"I'll have the crow sandwich, to go!" - Eric A. Lindberg.
"Zilog memonics? Only Klingons use Zilog memonics!" - Robert L. Taber.
There are 1 kind of people in the world. Those who number from 0, and those who do not.
-- anon
http://froz.net16.net
Here's more Inspiring Quotes submitted by developers: http://froz.net16.net/Quotes
Btw, I enjoyed all the quotes except that stupid one. Thanks.
"None of us developers is as dumb as all of us."
"Fragile development - the excessive use of band-aid fixes because no one has time for surgery.
"The bad practice that we use that used to work but shouldn't have doesn't anymore."
I'll see if I can find more.
Jared
http://www.rhyous.com
Here is the one I would like to add :
JAVA IS C++ WITHOUT THE GUNS, KNIVES, AND CLUBS" JAMES GOSLING
Stan Kelly-Bootle - The Devil's DP Dictionary
Recursion - See recursion.
An official IBM data processing terms dictionary, ca 1988
My Favorite :D
Loop, Algebraic: see Algebraic Loop
(from the index of an early Simula manual http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simula)
print "Success "
"A day may come when the courage of devs fail, when we forsake our QA friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.
An hour of bugs and shattered features, when the age of devs comes crashing down!
But it is not this day! This day we RELEASE!"
Enjoy
Gameloft Coding Convention Manual.