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Top 50 Funny Computer Quotes

- - 87 comments
If you have enjoyed our collection of top 50 Linux quotes of all time, I'm sure you would love these funny computer-related quotes that I have put together. Although some of which are pretty old already, they can still tickle a geek's funny bone.

 

Now get ready and enjoy this compilation of my top 50 funny computer quotes:


50. "Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

49. "Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows."

48. "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

47. "COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."

46. "Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity."

45. "To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

44. "Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error."

43. "If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"

42. "If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise."

41. "Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."

40. "Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?"

39. "I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of 'Uninstall Shield'."

38. "See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now."

37. "Hey! It compiles! Ship it!"

36. "SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it."

35. "Yo moma is like HTML: Tiny head, huge body."

34. "Windows Vista: It's like upgrading from Bill Clinton to George W. Bush."

33. "The more I C, the less I see."

32. "Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code."

31. "My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."

30. "The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back."

29. "Crap... Someone knocked over my recycle bin... There's icons all over my desktop..."

28. "Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS !"

27. "rm -rf /bin/laden"

26. "I don't care if you ARE getting a PhD in it ! Get away from that damn computer and go find a woman !"

25. "The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."

24. "If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

23. “Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.”

22. "Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

21. Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

20. "I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly"

19. The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS !"

18. "If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one."

17. "Better to be a geek than an idiot."

16. "I went to a gentleman's cybercafe — and they offered me a 'laptop dance'."

15. "After Perl everything else is just assembly language."

14. "The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

13. "There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

12. "Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail."

11. "Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."

10. "1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"

9. "Helpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labeled "My Computer". Double click on it.
User: What's your computer doing on mine?"

8. “I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing.”

7. “If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.”

6. "Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer."

5. “Any fool can use a computer. Many do.”

4. “Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.”

3. "Those who can't write programs, write help files."

2. "You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary."

1. “Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.”


If you have some favorite funny computer quotes that were not included on my list above, just add or share them with us via comment.


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87 comments

  1. "Just when you think your software is idiot proof, somebody comes up with a better idiot"

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  2. Who is General Failure ? And why is he reading my disk ?

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  3. It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years.
    John von Neumann, circa 1960

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  4. Keyboard not found...Press any key to continue.

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  5. General Failure is a superior of Major Malfunction, who is searching for Private Files.

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  6. windows, problems? reboot! linux, problems? be root!

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  7. Computers do precisely what you tell them,
    in so far as they are capable of doing it,
    but not necessarily what you intended.

    (Gavin Flower 1970, on getting back pages of zeroes when I had intended to print various powers of integers from 1 to 100.)

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  8. “The Internet? We are not interested in it.”
    – Bill Gates, 1993

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  9. Microsoft just bought out Hoover vacuum cleaners. When they're through with working it over, they will finally have a project that doesn't suck.

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  10. Every bit counts!!!!!

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  11. "The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time" - Murphy's Law

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  12. haha... loved it... i must be worried i got most of them..

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  13. Computers are like Air Conditioners, they stop working when you open Windows.

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  14. Heh, thanks. The one about object oriented code, so true its almost not funny.

    =)

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  15. "640k ..."

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  16. Are you sure you want to send 'Internet' to the Recycle Bin ? _Yes_ No

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  17. Ubuntu is an ancient African word, meaning "can't configure Debian"

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  18. 4 27 39 are the funniest..
    lol

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  19. Re: 34. "Windows Vista: It's like upgrading from Bill Clinton to George W. Bush."

    "Windows XP to Windows 7: It's like upgrading from George W. Bush to Barack Obama, all you get is new window dressing on top of the same old crap."

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  20. @General Failure

    You forgot me.

    Major Error

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  21. The program was working fine until you used it.

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  22. 640k ought to be enough for everyone

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  23. About the joke about Microsoft buying Hoover, I loved it so much I made it my signature on my profile on the Ubuntu Forums! :-)

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  24. Windows NT, actually means Windows Nice Try.

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  25. no kernel panic in jokes, can make some good ones from that
    binary joke with 10 types of ppl are great

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  26. Hi,
    I had translated it in Hindi and posted it here:
    http://raviratlami.blogspot.com/2010/02/50.html

    Hope, it is OK with you.

    Great collection.

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  27. 110101010001
    010011010010
    101010100011
    101201010001
    011011011100

    Dare to be differnet?

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  28. damn i really need to get out more, i understood all of them :/

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  29. Windows NT (NT = Not Today) is was so delayed!

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  30. rm -rf /home/computers

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  31. Anonymous - I see your 1993 Bill Gates quote and raise you a 1982 one.

    ...back in 1982 Bill Gates came to see Hermann Hauser, "We showed Bill Gates the Econet network and he said 'What's a network?'", so Acorn were definately on Microsoft's radar, but luckily they didn't know what a radar was either.

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  32. I'm not bisexual. I'm cross-platform.

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  33. Toby Haynes - I see your 1982 Bill Gates quote and raise you a 1981 one.
    "640k ought to be enough for everyone"

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  34. On a clear disk you can seek forever.
    There's a worldwide market for 5 computers - IBM

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  35. God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.

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  36. I remember a sticker on a boy's backpack...it was something like " don't...(I can't remember the verb!) geeks; they'll help you fix your computer". Who can help?

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  37. If u do not have an Email... U do not exist !!!

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  38. Software is like sex, it's better when it's free...

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  39. AnonymousJune 01, 2010

    "The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners"

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  40. AnonymousJuly 23, 2010

    You can't make it 100% idiot proof. God keeps making better idiots.

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  41. hilarious quotes.. keep up the good work.

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  42. Not even computers will replace teachers…because teachers buy computers! Hehehe...

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  43. "Programmers tend to solve problems, but in the other hand they're the one whose making their own problem"

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  44. Press any key to continue..or any other key to quit..

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  45. There's nothing like 127.0.0.1

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  46. Coding styles are like assholes, everyone has one and no one likes anyone elses.

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  47. b0b0ngPr0grammerOctober 22, 2010

    the most dangerous individual in the whole wide world today is: HACKER,

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  48. number 10: "1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"

    The th1s should be 7h15 the t0 needs to be 70.
    Consistency ...

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  49. "The computer may beat me in chess, but it's no match for me in kick-boxing." - Emo Philips

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  50. back off, or i'll replace you with a small shell script

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  51. intel inside, idiot outside

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  52. Any 8-year old could implement this algorithm. Bring me an 8-year old!

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  53. VIRUS!!!!!
    The Only program that works perfectly every time.....

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  54. Any fool can write a blog, and most of them do.

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  55. A computer is a device that makes it possible to make millions of mistakes a second.

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  56. Programming is the art of finding new and unexpected ways of getting the wrong answer.

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  57. in a life without walls, who needs Windows?

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  58. 50. "Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google." is kind of outdated thanks to wikileaks :-)

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  59. Windows Lead To the Apple Orchard

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  60. "We Hire good idiots"
    -Microsoft

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  61. Weinberg's second law
    If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

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  62. human: do you know what a computer is?
    computer: yes, a machine built from silicon microchips and other things.
    human: NO!
    computer: what is it then?!?
    human: its me!!!

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  63. In a world without walls or fences who needs Windows or Gates

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  64. Pasqualina tristanoMarch 19, 2011

    Computer and car is same...
    1-it needs driver
    2-it needs key.
    3-it needs windows.

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  65. working with Dual Monitors is gr8 in 1 side FB and another side BF :P

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  66. AnonymousMay 18, 2011

    If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
    -------
    A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

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  67. AnonymousMay 18, 2011

    Definition of an IT Administrator: The person that prevents you from surfing the web at work while watching streaming porn in their office

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  68. LOL! very funny.My favorite is:"Beat the computer!Program your life!" Nice blog!

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  69. AnonymousJune 23, 2011

    "Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OSes is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders.."

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  70. "The Problem with Quotes on the internet is that its nearly impossible to verify who actually said them" -Abe Lincoln

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  71. Arbeiten am Computer ist
    wie U-Boot fahren.
    Machst du die Fenster auf,
    fangen die Probleme an.
    Translation:
    Working on a PC is liking driving a U-Boat.
    Once you open the Windows, the problems start.

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  72. Binarily speaking, it takes 10 to tango.

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  73. the problem is somewhere between the chair and the keyboard.


    linux uses / windows uses \ why? linux moving forward, windows always falling over.

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  74. If you don't have fences, you don't need Gates.

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  75. u are gates, why sell windows??

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  76. No more space into disk... Delete windows (Y/N)?

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  77. If at first you don't succeed, force it! If it breaks, then it probably needed to be replaced anyways....

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  78. When your computer starts falling apart, stop hitting it with a Hammer!

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  79. AnonymousMay 05, 2012

    all comments and 1-50 rock to the core

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  80. AnonymousJune 02, 2012

    Apple a day keeps windows away!

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  81. For emotional stability, don't let real life cloud your view of the internet.

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  82. ASCII as stupid question and get a even stupid ANSI

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