Christmas Jokes For Geeks

Christmas Jokes For Geeks: Christmas is just around the corner so let’s keep the jokes coming to get your heart pumping. I hope our jokes for IT professionals (corny or not) made you laugh, or at least smile.

To those of you who are hard to please, maybe this next set of jokes will finally make you cry with laughter. But if you will still not find this funny, shame on you! You don’t have a sense of humor and you don’t deserve a gift this Christmas because you are grouchy like The Grinch. I’m just kidding :-)

So here goes our Christmas jokes for geeks; have fun reading, or singing…

A Star Trek The Next Generation Night Before Christmas
Based on "A Visit From Saint Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore Adaptation copyright 1991, Eric R. Rountree

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the armourery securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all sung in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks)
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face...

When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the turbos and shouted "Deck One!"
The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.

But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.

His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.
Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name:
"It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
It's Geordi, and Wesley, the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now float away! Float away!
Float away all!"

As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,
As the captain called out,"what the Hell is this, Q?!"
The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As we took in our plight, and were looking around,
The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.
Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again, to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!"
And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!"
"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc" replied Q,
"I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you."
As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents and took a step back.

"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.
There's something delightful for everyone here."
He sat on the floor, and dug into the pile,
And handed out gifts with his most charming smile:
"For Counsellor Troi, there's no need to explain.
Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not too great
And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date."
For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-plus;
For Data, a joke book, for Riker a truss.
For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way."
And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face
And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.

But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from
sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"
---end---

Computer Wonderland Singalong

Another "ping",
Are you listenin'?
The puter screen,
Is a glistenin'.
With icons so bright,
They light up the night,
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

Gone away,
Are the hall talks.
Here to stay,
Is the IN-BOX.
Flagged "urgent, please read!",
And "answer with speed!".
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

In the morning e-mails start to add up.
No lunch today cause messages abound.
Just click away and hope the server stays up.
You can't do your job if it goes down.

10 P.M.,
You're not tired.
The caffeine,
Has got you wired.
The day's not complete,
Till the last delete,
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

In the morning e-mails start to add up,
No lunch today cause messages abound.
Just click away and hope the server stays up.
You can't do your job if it goes down.

Until you,
Are retired,
The same old grind,
It is required.
You'll face unafraid,
That message parade.
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland
---end---

Christmas Shopping For Geeks

Rule #1
When in doubt - buy him a Star Wars book. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 copies of “The Wookie
Cookies Cookbook” and he has yet to complain. As a geek, you
can never have too many Star Wars books. No one knows why.

Rule #2
If you cannot afford a Star Wars book, buy him anything with an
acronym in it. Geeks love saying those acronyms. "Hey, George!
Can I borrow your PS2 to USB adapter?" "OK. By-the-way, are you
through with my PC2100 DDR RAM tester yet?" Again, no one knows
why.

Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his game
system. A crappy third-party DDR pad, a whacky looking joystick,
or any game from the bargain bin. Geeks love gifts for their game
systems. No one knows why.

Rule #4
Do not buy geeks cologne. Do not buy geeks ties. And never buy
geeks designer shoes. I was told that if God had wanted geeks to
wear decent clothes, he wouldn't have invented sweatpants.

Rule #5
You can buy geeks new remote controls to for their computer. If
you have a lot of money, buy your geek a big-screen TV that can
hook up to the computer with an ergonomic chair. Watch him go
wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6
Do not buy a geek any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, you will
have to listen to the many different concoctions they did at the
Microsoft Party.

Rule #7
Buy industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm
told they will appreciate the efficiency and savings.

Rule #8
Do not buy geeks label makers. Within a couple of weeks, there
will be sighs because they will be lamenting for the newest model
with Ethernet and modem ports so that he can create labels
remotely. No one knows why.

Rule #9
Never buy a geek anything that says "for outside use" on the box.
It will ruin his Special Day and he will always stick it in the
closet.

Rule #10
Good places to shop for geeks include Electronics Boutique, Sun-
coast Video, Circuit City, Fry’s Electronics, Barnes and Noble, and
pricewatch.com. (Online stores for “Lord of the Rings” merchandise
are also excellent geek stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't
know what it is. "From “Lord of the Rings”, eh? Must be something
I wanted. Hey! Isn't this genuine orc hair? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #11
Geeks enjoy stupidity. That's why they never make mistakes of their
own (*cough*) - but they will enjoy others’ stupidity. Get him the
complete Monty Python Collection. Or point him to complaint
pages by AOLers. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants to be
p\/\/33n3d?"

Rule #12
Tickets to a cheesy kung fu movie are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to the WWF. Everyone knows why.

Rule #13
Geeks love personal electronics. But never, ever, buy a geek you
love a laptop. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8
and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14
It's hard to beat a really processor upgrade or an ergonomic
keyboard. Never buy a real geek a regular keyboard. It must be
an ergonomic keyboard. No one knows why.

Rule #15
Photoshop. Geeks love Photoshop. It takes us back to the days when
pasting your face on the body of a model was funny or at least
desperate. Nothing says love like Adobe Photoshop 6.0. No one
knows why.
---end---

Top 10 Technological Christmas Tunes

10. 'Twas the 'Net before Christmas

9. Santa Claus is modem to town

8. Up On The Desktop

7. "Quark," The Herald Angels Sing

6. Gateway In A Manger

5. The First AOL

4. INTEL IT On The Mountain

3. .COM All Ye Faithful

2. JAVA Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

1. Joy To The World Wide Web
---end---