How to Make Windows Faster than Linux

In terms of speed, we can't deny the fact that Linux has an edge over Windows. This is because Linux is more efficient in handling computer resources when compared to the more bloated Windows. Through this speed advantage, it has been utilized on mobile devices and desktop PCs with limited hardware capabilities.

Compared with Windows, Linux desktop boots faster and applications open up quicker and run snappier inside it. Linux servers are favored against those running on Windows because aside from being fast, they are also reliable and secure. I can go on and on explaining about its quickness but since I'm here to teach you how to make Windows faster than Linux, I will now share with you these tips:

1. Defrag Windows disk drive 3X a day
Ask any PC expert and they will always tell you that to speed up Windows you have to defrag your hard disk as often as possible. So in order to make Windows really fast (faster than Linux), why not defrag your hard disk three times a day.

2. Remove anti-virus software
I know this will make Windows vulnerable to security threats such as viruses, spyware, trojans, fungus (sic), and worms. But since this is all about making Windows faster, we recommend that you remove your anti-virus software because it's a resource hog and it is one of the key reasons why your desktop is running slow.

3. Disable Automatic Updates
This is another bad idea in terms of security, but disabling automatic updates can help Windows gain some speed. Running automatic updates slows down your system as it uses computer resources to constantly check for updates like security patches. The system also regularly (more regular than normal) checks and hunts down those who are using pirated copies of Windows.

4. Upgrade RAM
Like a good old tech adviser, I encourage you to upgrade or increase your RAM to accommodate the needs of Vista or Windows 7. There's no way that you can beat a Linux desktop using just 1GB of RAM.

5. Buy a new CPU
Buy a new CPU, make it Quad Core Extreme or better. That will surely beat the s%!t out of any Linux distro running on Pentium 3.

6. Downgrade to Windows 95
If you can't afford to buy a new CPU or upgrade your RAM, find a copy of Windows 95 (preferably genuine) and install it. Your Windows desktop will now be faster than any Linux distro made from 2007 onwards.

7. Wait for Windows 9
Windows 8 might be released next year but I urge you to wait for Windows 9 as it will surely become the greatest, most secure, and fastest operating system in the history of computing. It will be virus-free, anti-virus-free, and Windows-Genuine-Advantage-Notification-free. -Those are all according to Steve Ballmer.

I know that this article is part joke, part real, but I hope you all enjoyed reading this crap stuff :-)


  1. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    crap indeed

  2. hahaha. Love the downgrade to Win 95 part. Steve B. will be so pissed reading this.

  3. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    The funny thing is some Win users will find this article, take it seriously and follow your instructions!

  4. HeadhuntedPenguinJuly 16, 2010

    Can win 95 even be installed on a new post 2004 CPU? I guess I can live without eye candy... and who needs modern 3D graphics? Quake in DOS is kewl enough.

  5. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    My goodness. The best Windows tips evaaar! Thank you

  6. "Can win 95 even be installed on a new post 2004 CPU?"

    Yes, but even win98se followed by 98lite (which is probably the best win9x setup) won't give you better than VGA graphics or access to peripherals like USB, if the hardware (the mobo especially) is so new that only win32 drivers were ever written for it. In that case, Windows has to drop back to DOS-compatibility mode, going through the 16-bit BIOS, which also chews up a bunch of speed.

    Basically, if the box has a "made for win2k" or higher (2k, XP, Vista, 7 -- all win32 codebase) sticker on it, putting win9x on it is a waste of time.

    Borderline cases (such as some HP boxes which were originally offered with your choice of a win9x -- 95, 98, ME -- or a win32 OS) will have you hittng the OEM sites and/or repeatedly to fix all the question-marks in the control-center System applet. Much pain for little gain, unless you've got a Windows app that you absolutely can't put aside or run in DOSbox or WINE on Linux.

  7. Formating my Ubuntu box, currently booting at 8 seconds flat on an SD drive.

  8. I don't think you are a very good techy. I tried everything you suggested on my Windows computer and it is still much slower.

  9. You cannot put Win95 on a newer machine. I think it was about 300 MHz or 350 MHz where it stopped working, and you had to go to Win98, or it would just blue screen on boot. Maybe a Win98SE or Win98Lite would do the job.

  10. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    I know how to make Windows run faster: scare the hell out of it!

  11. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    Another lame joke from a linuxtard. On my laptop, Windows 7 runs much better than Ubuntu, for example. Even Vista was a dream compared to that great OS you call GNU/Linux (that's the correct terms, right?). You should admit that the fantastic Linux OS has much more flaws than you believe. Don't be blind!

    Well, Ubuntu could run better on my machine if I spent 300 hours tweaking it. Maybe I'd be able to change the display brightness! (yeah baby...I'm being sarcastic)

    Anyway, I've been a Linux enthusiastic for years. I still like it. Love Bash, the terminal thing, etc. But when you have a life, you simply don't have time to fix things that should just work. And with that brand new OS that came installed on my machine, the hardware I paid for just works. Simple like that! And I've never defraged by Windows drive. I've lost much more time of my life waiting for the disk check of my Linux computers.

    Have a life loser!

  12. Windows 7 really does give Linux a run for its money from what I've seen. Linux certainly smokes XP and Vista though. Maybe Phoronix has benchmarked the two against each other.

    Ubuntu 10.04 sped up the boot process some more, but the new Plymouth splash could really use some polishing.

    One thing I'm sure of though, Win 7 would not be nearly as fast as it is if it weren't Microsoft's fear of Linux. Linux enabled the whole netbook trend and really forced MS to backpedal on their retirement of XP.

  13. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    How can Windows run the fastest? By having its tail between its legs.

  14. made me snigger, that's what counts.

  15. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    Well, Ubuntu could run better on my machine if I spent 300 hours tweaking it. Maybe I'd be able to change the display brightness! (yeah baby...I'm being sarcastic)
    half true

    but in linux once you get it right, you can backup using remastersys(or any other program) to clone the OS. so you dont need to reinstall dozen of driver or doing tweak while reinstalling and installing to other pc.

    Anyway, I've been a Linux enthusiastic for years. I still like it. Love Bash, the terminal thing, etc. But when you have a life, you simply don't have time to fix things that should just work.

    btw isn't this a bussiness opportunity ? i mean linux don't have virus and very stable but you need to tweak it to (really-really)fit your computer... plus linux relesase new version every few month... so more tweaking opportunity :)

  16. AnonymousJuly 16, 2010

    I had realy took serious the subject :)

  17. Don't install software. The more software installed on Windows the slower it boots and runs.

  18. AnonymousJuly 17, 2010

    so really Defrag 3 times a day... since i only own one computer, thats ridiculous. forgot about regedit as well. ill stick to Arch Linux thank you.

  19. AnonymousJuly 18, 2010

    Thanks for the advice. I found my machine runs quite a bit faster now (important as a small business owner).

    Although, I decided to save a bit of time and just defrag at the start of the day (time for a coffee) and the end of the day only, and turn off my anti-virus to just scan when I tell it to.

    But anyway, thanks for the tips!

  20. AnonymousJuly 20, 2010

    Tip number 6 has a drawback - there is the limit for RAM in Windows 95 (I don't remember it exactly, but the limit was something like 512MB) and if more memory is installed into PC, then Windows 95 simply crashes while booting.

  21. AnonymousJuly 21, 2010

    I hope that you fall down a well. You sir are a douchebag.

  22. AnonymousJuly 23, 2010

    Well I think this article is really appropiate to troll into the whereabouts of the microsofties... this article is just for laughs people, please don't get too serious, Windows 7 just works I agree, but is still just fatter and heavier than even ubuntu 10.04, which is actually becoming a hog.

    Everyone seriously disliking about this can say I don't have a live whatever... but Sure I don't do this everytime rather seldom, but just for laughs. At least it is not as bad as when some people mix videogames with politics...


  23. AnonymousJuly 23, 2010

    I really don't run anti-virus on Windows boxes. It's a tremendous waste of resources. Just use a hardware firewall and don't believe every link you read and you don't need anti-virus. Also, if you can get Windows 2000 drivers for a machine, then it is the most acceptable compromise of speed and reliability that I have used in Windows (98 crashes all the time). Of course, Slackware or Arch Linux with a quick window manager beats any modern version of Windows for speed without even breaking a sweat.

  24. AnonymousJuly 23, 2010

    Anon: "..Just use a hardware firewall and don't believe every link you read and you don't need anti-virus."

    No you won't, my good sir! Read this and you'll know you're quite wrong ;)

    Yeah, windows' as dangerous as it is. Well, that's life.

  25. AnonymousJuly 25, 2010

    I've been a Windows enthusiast for years. I'm always reading articles like this. They promise there are ways to make Windows run faster if you spent your time tweaking it and doing complicated things to the registry.

    In the end though, I don't have the time to spend on little tweaks to obscure propitiatory software. Don't get me wrong, I still love Windows, but it will take more than a few enthusiasts writing articles to make me switch from Linux.

  26. AnonymousJuly 27, 2010

    There are lots of other tweaks you've overlooked which will make Windows faster. Like disabling file indexing:

    Personally I can't understand how any of you lusers can stand Linux. My friend tried to install it on his AKAT-1, but after 3 weeks of commandline hacking, he gave up.

    Windows just works.

  27. AnonymousJuly 28, 2010

    The AKAT-1 is an analog computer, so the best way to install Linux on it is to convert the C code of the kernel into a series of matrices comprised of asymmetric differential equations. These could be sequenced by magfilm tape or the use of projector acetates scanned by photodiodes, the numbers being represented by tonal graduations. You will probably need to add a few more opamps to the system, an extra hundred thousand or so should be adequate.

    This is just basic computer knowledge, and if your friend could not follow these simple procedures to install Linux on the AKAT, he probably shouldn't be using a computer at all.

  28. @Anonymous ↑ +1337

    So bad I can't follow the 6th step, I really tried just for fun a couple of weeks ago. First it was totally impossible to make Windows 98 SE to recognise my SATA disks, so I had to cange it to PATA mode in my BIOS, but then it complained about too many cylinders on the 1TB disk, so I had to make a 32GB partition on my own and enable the LBA driver. I installed, but then it was unable to use my 4 GB of ram. I tried everything, it is just impossible. Fortunately I had a spare 1GB dimm, so I replaced my 2x2GB 1600Mhz ram on dual channel by a 1GB 667Mhz DIMM just to get things done. After a lot of hacking and tweaking, and editing the autoexec.bat and win.ini files to allow remapping of memory above the 512MB limit of the system, i found that my 250GTS with 512MB of vram was preventing that remapping. So i removed it. I finally was able to boot, and it was blazing fast indeed, with a boot of about 10 seconds (Ubuntu is still faster though) just that it bluescreened after about 10 seconds of running because it can't use the 4 cores of my CPU (A quad Core extreme), which i had previously underclocked from 3Ghz to 800Mhz, so I gave up.

    So far steps 4-5 are totally incompatible with step 6.

  29. AnonymousJuly 31, 2010

    Windows is a pain in the ass...I installed Debian Lenny on my machine ..havent had a problem once...ONe cud say its more stable than OsX..Debian is the best LInux ever...I dont know how cud these "WINDOWS MORONS" even compare their stale windows machines to MORE ADVANCED UNIX/LINUX machines

  30. Im a happy Ubuntu camper using Ubuntu 10.04LTS on my Pentium Dual Core, 1gb ram, GMA 950 PC that I built... No virus, spywares, anti-etc... One problem I miss though is playing RedAlert 2. In any case Im happy playing with StarCraft...

  31. To speed up a windows xp on a 256 MB 500Mhz pentium I did this simply thinks:

    - switch off all the services not necessary to the minimum required to run Firefox and Office
    - reverse the windows theme to classic reducing colours
    - clean all caches
    - defrag
    - switch off antivirus and use only firefox and thunderbird

    this provide me a little bit more reactivity of the desktop but suffer from use Office due to low ram

  32. My laptop is set up to dual boot Ubuntu or Vista.

    Both have their good points as well as bad. Hearing people support either of Linux or Windows while denigrating the other so vociferously seems a bit silly. Competition between MS and the various Linux distros can only be good for computer users.

    I do thoroughly understand and support Apple bashing though!!

  33. "My laptop is set up to dual boot Ubuntu or Vista."

    this is the solution. to make windows faster, shut it down and boot in your favorite Linux :)

  34. The bloat that is Windows? Windows has a much leaner install than the standard Ubuntu or Fedora install, by leaps and bounds, even if nothing worthwhile is installed. The Linux kernel has a great deal of bloat creep as well. Don't flatter yourself.

  35. "Windows has a much leaner install than the standard Ubuntu or Fedora install"

    Well thank you, Einstein, for that amazing observation. Installing Windows gives you a lean system, sure, with virtually nothing on it. Ubuntu or Fedora, on the other hand, try to give you a fully functional system out of the box (or off the CD image, in this case). Same deal with people saying Ubuntu is slow: It's a somewhat bloated system designed for fairly new computers, what do you expect?

    If you really want a fair match of Windows vs Linux, use Arch Linux, or at least Debian (stable for comparing against XP, testing for Vista or 7)

  36. "The bloat that is Windows? Windows has a much leaner install than the standard Ubuntu or Fedora install, by leaps and bounds, even if nothing worthwhile is installed. The Linux kernel has a great deal of bloat creep as well. Don't flatter yourself."

    That is the funniest thing i have ever heard, my ubuntu install takes up 2.5GB and the cd iso image is just under 700MB, windows 7 cd iso is just under 3GB and once installed takes up over 10GB, and the linux kernel only loads the modules you need so there is no bloat

  37. I'd point out that Linux is a lot more like Windows 95 than Windows 7 is.

  38. Why would I care about how to make Windows faster?! Trying to make Windows faster is a bit elusive.

    My laptop is a dual-boot of Ubuntu 10.04 and Windows 7. I only use Windows 7 once in a blue moon. Ubuntu is lightning fast and 99% or more of what I do in Windows, I can do in Ubuntu. Unlike most people, I have the time, passion, and curiosity to learn a lot about Linux systems. The more I learned about how Ubuntu works, the more I liked it! Now Ubuntu is my main OS. I find Windows complicated and confusing, and I even think that Ubuntu is easier to use. The only thing that is simpler in Windows than Ubuntu is the GUI.

  39. For further pls contact RAJAMANI

  40. Making Windows fast is easy: just pitch the machine out of the highest window in your building.

  41. How to make windows run faster than linux: Stop using productive programs that actually work.

  42. It's a pretty dim-witted article, I must say, even if meant to be humorous. defragging? Are you living in 1995? Your attempt to humour doesn't humour me.

  43. how can window be installed in external hard disk using USB port

  44. windows 8 if fragmented beats the hell out of a defraged 7 and performs better than those new linux distros (gnome, kde what the hell are ya doing i loved kde 3.5 and gnome 2.x with fancy compiz) but if if you config linux to be light or use puppy linux, linux is light years ahead)